bye bye good-girl

After having my heart broken into what felt like 5 million pieces, I decided to do something I never had done before. I became a man. Not in a physical sense, but emotional. I became a stone cold sex goddess. I revised my sexual desires that I had first experienced with Scott. I had my one night stands and epic sexual encounters.

Ted. My first friends with benefits. We hit it off quite well as we had the exact same sense of humor and sexual drive. We fucked mostly in his truck which was fun. It brought me back to a time in high school where sneaking around was the norm. What was so great about him was he was a little chubbier and VERY well endowed. I didn’t feel self-conscious at all. We bonded over music and our love for drinking. After shows, we would meet up and release the tensions of eye contact and arm brushes all night. I should mention that we were top secret. No one knew about our encounters and I never really asked why it was that way. I played along, with the exception of my best girlfriends of course. This went on for 2 years until I heard that he had a girlfriend whom he had been dating for the last 6 years. I grew ill to my stomach as I cant imagine someone who I had dedicated that must time into treated me that way. We remained acquaintances and she had never found out. during that time however I came to the conclusion that I was not the only girl that he had on the go. Him and his girlfriend at the time are now split up as of a year ago. Not because she found out about the cheating, but because she wanted to travel. He was heart broken about the matter and insisted that he was good to her. He was sure that she would come crawling back. I think deep down she knew how he was. After him and I stopped sleeping together he managed to sleep with two of my friends. I don’t blame them. He is charming and hilarious.

 

Remember when…

I remember my short time with Kyle. He picked me up from the bar and I could smell the liquor on him. He was swerving and it was middle of winter. I was scared that we would crash or run off the road. We were driving up hill when I yelled at him to slow down. He abruptly pulled the car over at the Fas Gas and told me to get out. I got out of the car nd was completely shocked to see him hit the gas and leave me in the dust. It was about minus 20 and I was in a mini dress. It started to rain and I began the journey home. It was cold and I could feel my feet developing blisters. Half an hour later I got home. I should also note that my phone had died in the truck. Upon charging it, I received 10 messages first calling me a bitch and ending with how much he loved me and is sorry. I never talked to him again

Judd. I always run into him now. This guy swept me off my feet. We dated for 3 weeks and it ended so quickly for good reason. I think it is because of him that I all of a sudden have red flags when it comes to guys who like me “too much” right away. Judd was sweet, but jealous and clingy. He drank a lot and wore his heart on his sleeve. He was the kind of guy you had to check in with and was possessive. It was because of that we broke up. He made me feel smothered and it scared me. I broke up with him blaming it on outside issues. We had planned to go to a wedding in which he had already RSVP’d for so I kept my word and went with him. It was out at a hall outside of town and we had a great time. It wasn’t until the liquor started to hit him he started to get touchy feely. I had retreated to the bathroom where he followed me. He shut the door and had thrown me up against the wall and had my hands in his hands. I started to yell for help and a friend came in and punched him in the face. I had left the bathroom and was taking with friends trying to arrange a ride home. I got into the vehicle and he must have seen me because he threw himself on the car trying to make me stay. People around the car started to pull him off and we were clear to pull away. We drove past my car to see him peeing on it. this too was in the middle of winter. from what I hear he hasn’t changed much. he is still possessive and is know to stalk his exes. I am just glad I got myself out of that situation when I had the chance. ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT LADIES!

Johnny. oh Johnny. He was the guy who I first dated after Ryan. We met at a pub when I was rather intoxicated. I was feeling confident at the moment and walked right up to him to tell him I wanted to kiss him. As I heard those words come out of my mouth I immediately retreated. I was embarrassed by the statement I had made and even more embarrassed by the possibility of rejection. I drove home and prepared for my trip to Chicago the next day. The night I arrived in Chicago I received a Facebook notification saying that I had a message from John. The messaged asked me where I ran off to and why I didn’t follow through with my statement. I couldn’t believe he found me and I was pretty excited to hear from him. He must have thought of me all night and found me attractive if he was going to send me a message! We talked everyday for two weeks and the night before my arrival back to Canada we decided that he would come pick me up. Everything was perfect. He was just as handsome as I remembered and we held hands the whole way back to his…parents. Yes, his parents. (red flag) He was a tattoo apprentice which I loved and he played drums which was equally attractive. He was a gaming nerd and artistic. totally up my alley. He didn’t sleep the whole night that night. We had passionate and then aggressive sex. He had a real liking for Anal and biting which didn’t bother me one bit. After passing out I would awake several times to find him still playing video games. He brought me home around 10AM and we did the same routine the next night. We had two nights of bliss until he just stopped talking to me. It was shocking because I had no indications that he wasn’t interested. Ryan and I had split up about two months prior to this and it really took a toll on myself esteem. A girl can only handle so much rejection before she starts questioning herself. After a couple of desperate messages to Johnny, he finally responded and wanted to hangout again. It was like a pattern. Two weeks of having fun and being together to all of a sudden no communication. I decided to take matters into my own hands and followed him out to a pub where I saw him with another girl. My heart broke. I couldn’t believe that after all that had happen with Ryan, I was getting this from Johnny. Why was he so persistent and why did he seem so interested?

Upon reflection, he used me. He was technically unemployed and had depression issues. He was still hung-up on his ex-girlfriend from two years prior to that and drove a truck on the brink of death. Instead of blaming myself for not being skinny enough or pretty enough, I blamed it on him. When someone is not happy with themselves they let others feel shitty too. Not to mention the other girl who was in the picture!! once again I reiterate ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT. We don’t talk anymore. it was an endless game to him and I couldn’t take it anymore. it took a while but I cut him off. it would be BRENDAN who would break my heart next.  >:{